Maybe I will
by r.se
Summary: This story takes place in a world where "A" didn't ever exist. An Emily Slow-Burn.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! This story is a scenario where "A" in Pretty Little Liars never existed at all. I will be writing in other liars POV in a simular scenario but I wanted to start with Emily. Here you go! Enjoy!**

****Caution****

**If you don't like sad or dark writings, I'm not so sure this story is the one for you. **

I lied so much about how I felt, I actually believed it myself sometimes. When I did believe it I would remember my horrifying life and come crashing down. People asked if it was because I'm gay, of course I said no. Even if the reason my life was worthless was because I'm gay, they wouldn't care. No one would. In fact if I just disappeared of the face of the Earth, no one would notice. They would go on living their sick and twisted lives, unaware of the mess they are making.

I wished I hadn't pushed everyone away, especially Alison. I imagine my life wouldn't have come to this hurricane of emotions and hurt if I had just listened to her. Ali told me to hang on to the last bit of hope that I have in my heart. I just shut her out every time, pushing away the light and welcoming the darkness. She eventually got tired of trying and gave up. She tried and tried to break my walls, tried to bring me out of this hole of depression but every time she got closer, I just added more walls. More reasons for her to hate me. Now in the halls she doesn't look at me, like she was afraid that if she did, she might catch the sadness. None of them look at me anymore. Not even a glance.

I look at the scars on my thighs and as my tears fall from my colorless face and hit the gashes in my skin I wince. It stings but it seems everything I do in this life hurts. I sit on my bed, naked. Hell, I think, I can't even get dressed without thinking that I am worthless.

I walk down these halls, ignoring the whispers about me. I've heard it all before. Maybe all of it's true, but what does it matter? Knowing what's wrong isn't going to change anything. I'm still going to be the orphan. Yes that plays a factor in the blackness in my soul. But that's not everything. Oh no, there's so much going wrong in my life you could write a book length list. As I walk into my first class the room goes silent. I am so used to the silent welcomes and the gaping faces. As I sit down I groan in pain. My jeans rub against my cuts and I am pretty sure they are bleeding. I don't care. I haven't cared since Hanna took her own life. I haven't cared since my dad died in action and my mom moved away and left me behind. I felt like crying, but I don't. I just sit up and play the part of a student. I still get A's but who cares? I live alone with no one to come home to. No one cares about me. No one cares.

**More coming soon. Please review and suggestions are welcome. This story is going to be dark so be cautious!**

**-Rose**


	2. Chapter 2

**This is pretty short but I hope you like! More to come I promise!**

They say how clean your house is represents how clean your life is. I don't really know if I heard that somewhere or if I made it up. I never really believed in that kind of stuff, but in this case I guess it was true. You couldn't even see the floor of my apartment anymore. There where pizza boxes and clothes strewn everywhere like a tornado had run through the place. I never have enough motivation to clean. I never have enough motivation to do anything. The tears were threatening to pour down as she thought about everything that was wrong. My mom left her for dead, my dad had died a horrible death. I sometimes dreamed of his departure from this world. He would be sitting there in a chair, bleeding out, death threating to take him at any moment. I would then hear him screaming for help, wanting for his team to come to the rescue. He screamed until he let out his final breath. That's when I would wake up. Tears now pouring down my face, I stood up from my couch, crunching over to the small kitchen. Of course the refrigerator was empty. I needed to go to the store. I needed to do a lot of thing. I tip toed over to the small desk next to the television and started my homework. It was more habit than me actually caring. As I finished the essay I thought maybe I shouldn't do this anymore. Maybe if I take my life, everything would be easier for everyone. No one would have to pray to God that they didn't have to see my horrifying face again. I stopped believing in God once Hanna took her own life. But maybe there is a heaven. No one knows until their dead. I dried my face and walked over to the couch and fell asleep slowly, hoping I would never wake up.

Society moves like a robot. Everything is programed for you and you're expected to follow orders and if you do something that isn't the program you get corrected. If a robot repeatedly broke rules, people just threw them away. Tossed a side to be some else problem.

People told me to shape up. To stop ignoring them. They thought they understood, that they were "in the same boat." They were just lying to me. Trying to get me out of bed, to get me to participate in society. Eventually people gave up. One by one they threw me a side, leaving me to be someone else's problem. Some people actually told me to kill myself. You know, I thought, maybe I will.

I was walking down the paved sidewalks of Rosewood, ignoring the world around me until something caught my attention. "Samara?"

XXX

**When was the last time we saw Samara in an episode? Like 2 seasons ago? IDK. I hope you liked it and I think the ending is next so be prepared!**

**-Rose**


	3. Chapter 3

**I hope you remember that this is in a universe where A didn't exist so Em and Samara didn't break up because of A. Just a friendly reminder! Oh, and I will not be posting alot in the next week or so because I have training.**

As she walked over towards me I remembered all the good times we had together. I remembered dating her and trying to help Paige come out to her father. We broke up because I fell in love with Alison. "Emily? Hey! I haven't seen you in ages! How've you been?" She said happily. How's it look like I've been I wanted to say. Instead I just gave her monotonic "Good" and looked away. I didn't want to drag her into the hell hole I belong in. "Seriously Emily, what's wrong? I'm am here for you." She said, sounding concerned. Wow, I thought, some hasn't cared like this in a while. I looked her in the eyes, feeling my eyes watering. "I…you wouldn't understand" There I go again building walls up to cover my softness. My weakness. "Em, I would understand. How about I come to your place and we can catch up. Oh, and I am not taking no for an answer." I didn't want her to come to my apartment. I didn't care about the mess, I just don't want her to have to sit there and listen to my nightmarish story. But as we walked to my apartment I felt this little sliver of hope, of light, seep into the darkness. Maybe this is for the better. Maybe

We sat there in silence, side by side. Her face was wet with tears but mine was completely dry. I have heard my own story so many times that I had become immune to how horrible it really sounded. "Emily, I had no idea." I could tell that she cared but really, who did have an idea. No one really understood something until they are drug through them. I didn't say a word. I hadn't talked to another person in so long that it felt unfamiliar. She looked at me, her dark eyes surrounded in a sea of red. She suddenly stood up and said "I…thought that this would be a good idea but I see now that you got what you deserved in life." That sentence echoed in my head a million times before I understood. She was just like anyone else. As soon as things get intense, they just walk away, leaving me on my ass. This is why I am like the way I am. It's because people just pushed me around and played me like I was some kind of instrument. That's when my life came crashing down on top of me. As she walked out the door, I sat there feeling like there was a storm inside my body. I felt as though I had been stabbed multiple times right in my heart. I let down my walls and this is what happened. I got angry, oh so angry. I picked up the closed thing to me and threw it against a wall. I'm not sure what it hit because my eyes were clouded with tears. I walked over to the bed, tripping over god knows what. I thought back to Spencer telling me to kill myself. Telling me that I should just get it over with and make life easier for everyone. "Maybe I will" I said aloud.

"…and if you're hearing this, I hope you know you're the reason. You people just pushed me far enough towards the cliff to where I wanted to jump off it. I hope you happy. This is Emily Fields, saying goodbye for the last time." I ended the video recording on my phone and set it on the sink, knowing that people won't be looking for me. Why would they care? I sat in the tub as I held the razor. The cool water felt nice against my skin as I sliced open my own wrist, making sure it was vertical so that no one could save me. As I bleed out, welcoming death as it approached, I thought:

This is the last time I breathe

This is the last sight I see

This is the last time I feel sad.

And with that the lights fell and the darkness filled her.

XXX

**I'm not going to comment**

**-Rose**


End file.
